I had a two week old son. A constant stream of house guests. Sore, cracked nipples. A hormone imbalance. And no way of knowing just what life would look like when the dust settled. I couldn't imagine life six months down the line. My eyes were still adjusting to the haze. Slowly, very slowly, the fog lifted. In a few weeks time, I learned the need that was behind each coo. Which diaper cream I preferred. How to pack a diaper bag. That my body would produce enough milk to sustain life and to trust it. To relax and enjoy this little miracle that turned my life upside down.
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Aug. 11, 2011 |
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8 Days Old |
We eventually found a routine. Regular nap times, bedtimes, feedings. We found a way to incorporate his schedule into ours without giving up our identities of Husband and Wife. While Aiden was learning how to smile and roll over, I was learning how balance work and family. The scales always teetering back and forth but never bottoming out. I dreaded the daycare drop off but needed the recharge of adult conversation and sharing in the success of wonderful company that supports the intricate web of motherhood, wifedom and career. Day by day he grew and he grew...
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Nov. 15, 2011 |
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Nov. 27, 2011 |
Milestones kept coming when they should. We had a good sleeper, a good eater and a good temperament from the get go. Each day we look forward to the next morning and not for when he can walk, or when he is potty trained or when he goes to school. The words "I can't wait for..." are not uttered in this house. Every stage is special. Even the middle of the night wake ups will be gone before we know it. I never thought I'd miss breastfeeding, but sure enough when it was over, I found myself missing the intimacy I'd never have again with my son. How will I manage to hold onto a lifetime of memories and look forward to what is yet to come knowing that they too will only take up more space? Will I forget his first steps in order to make room for his first home run?
The calendar pages continued to flip.
A year's worth of Holidays were making their appearance. But a birthday still seemed like a distant date months away, never inching closer. No way could I have been a mother for almost a year. No way could one year's time practically erase the 32 years that came before it. What did I do with all of my time? How did I manage to fill up each night with prime time television? Why did I think I had the right to judge other mother's waiting in line at the grocery store? How did my heart pump with all that extra room that I didn't even know was there?
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Feb. 18, 2012 |
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May 9, 2012 |
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Dec. 23, 2011 |
Sounds that resemble words can be heard in our house. An inquisitive mind and tiny pointer fingers are always anxious for an answer. He has his favorite books and toys. He dances when he hears music. He runs through the house and climbs on whatever he can get his feet on. He has a perpetual bruise on his forehead and the cat usually gets the better of him. But despite all the bumps and thumps, he continues to go back for more, always staring down a challenge. He knows it's easy to be fearless when mom will always be there to kiss away the hurt. And I will.
So, the big day finally arrived. Our family and friends came to celebrate his birth once again. We had cake, gifts and opened our home to our dear loved ones and shared just a glimpse of the love and laughter that we get to experience everyday. And when bedtime came, I rocked him and sang to him just like I do every night...through tears of joy and reflection.
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Aug. 4, 2012 |
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Aug. 4, 2012 |
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Aug. 12, 2012 |
I've found that life now is a comfortable chaos. We still sit down for dinner together as a family most nights. We play outside when we can. We splash in the tub to wash away a day's worth of exploring. Then the house turns quiet and we ready ourselves for bedtime. We read. We rock. We sing. We dream.
My birthday wish for you is that I hope you have all of this one day. Happy First Year of Life my Little Love.
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Aug. 21, 2012 |